...to be a testimony

Yesterday I had the privilege of talking on the phone with a 93 year old Christian woman. What a humbling experience, and what a blessing!

My great-grandpa lived to be 92 years old, so any time I meet someone or talk with someone who is in their 90's I immediately think of my Grandpa Rudy, and my heart is touched. Yesterday was no exception.

I had the opportunity to ask this sweet lady if she had any prayer requests. Her answer astounded me!

Expecting an answer regarding her health, instead she asked for prayer that she would continue to be a testimony to those around her.

Ninety-three years old, asking for prayer that she would continue to be a testimony for Christ.

Not complaining about her age, or the way it limits her.

Not grumbling about aches and pains, of which I am sure she has many.

She could have asked for prayer for anything, but she asked that she would continue to live in a way that is a testimony to those around her.

I hung up the phone yesterday, convicted and blessed.

Convicted, because I know how often my focus is on my own struggles, my own pain, my own little world, instead of focusing on Christ and how I can be living as a light for Him.

Blessed, because what a gift it was to have that short conversation. What a gift to be reminded by her, unintentionally, that this life I live is not my own, but that I am here to be a testimony of God's grace, forgiveness, and love to those around me.

Since hanging up the phone, I haven't been able to get that conversation out of my head... because that's what I want.

I want that to be my prayer, too.

Not concerned with my own little world, my aches and pains, but concerned with how I can be a testimony to those around me.

It scares me, because I know that praying that sincerely means that God will lead me out of my comport zone. It won't always be fun, and it won't always feel safe, and sometimes it will hurt. But I know and believe with all my heart that it will be worth it, because Christ is enough and He is worth it.

Ninety-three years old, and her prayer request is to be a testimony to those around her.

Today, I'm joining her, praying that my life would be a testimony to those around me of God's grace, His unfailing love, His forgiveness, and His great faithfulness.

Will it be your prayer, too?

Open Hands

Open hands. 

God is teaching me this autumn to walk through each day with eyes open, ears open, and hands open. 

Open hands. 

This is something that I'm learning this year, but I like it. It's hard, and it can be messy, but it's good. 

What do I mean by open hands? Simply this: If I go through each day with my hands clenched, holding tightly to what I deem important, then my hands are not open to what new things God might have in store. 

If my hands are in fists--from anger, bitterness, jealousy--then my hands are not open to the gifts that God gives us each day. 

If my hands are closed around the things in my own life (my own worries, my own fears), then my hands are not open to reach out to those around me. 

I'm learning to go through each day with my hands open, empty. 

Because nothing on this earth compares to Christ and the joy that is found in Him. 

I want my hands to be empty and open to what God wants for me, to what He has in store. 

Open hands. 

Open to God's grace. 

Open to the gift that each day is. 

Open to the people God places in my life each day. 

Open to the new things that God is doing. 

Jesus commanded us to not worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:25-34). Our Father in Heaven will take care of us, so we need not worry or stress. He is in control. 

Open hands... open because we trust our Father.  

Open hands... open because we trust that He is good, and He will provide. 

Open hands... open because we know He can make beauty from the ashes, so we wait in expectation of how He will work, how He will move, as we wait in trust. 

Open hands... open because we want to keep walking, keeping moving forward, so our hands are open to God's leading. 

There is risk, though. Anytime we open our hands to the people around us, anytime we love others, there is the risk of pain, of heartache, and of loss. Living with open hands means living a risky life... It means going out of your comfort zone at times, it means there is the risk of being hurt, and it means your life might not look like it used to. Oh, but the risk is worth it. Because even though this life can be painful and hard, if you live with your life focused on Christ... the journey will be beautiful. It won't be easy, Christ never said that living for Him would result in an easy life. Living with open hands can be frightening, but it is worth it, it is worth the risk. The One you are living for will never forsake you, never let you down, and never let you go. So go on, take the risk. I dare you. 

I will. 

I want my hands to be open each day, not clenched in worry or fear, but open to the joy that can be found in Christ each day. 

Open to the wonder of God's grace to me. 

Open to reach out and love those around me. 

Open to the gift that each day truly is. 

I want to live my life with open hands. Will you join me?

Light at the End of the Tunnel

Tunnel on the Sparta-Elroy Bike Trail, image from google

This week I went on a bike trip with the jr. high youth group. We biked thirty-some miles through beautiful countryside. The sky was blue above us, and the rolling hills around us were a gorgeous green. It was a gift to bike through God's creation! Along the trail we were biking there were also three tunnels that you had to walk your bike through. The first day of biking we only went through one tunnel, and it wasn't terribly long. The second day, however, we went through two tunnels. The second tunnel was the longest one, almost a mile long. 

When we got to the entrance to that tunnel, it didn't look too long. We could see the light at the other end. 

Once we started walking our bikes through the tunnel, though, I realized how far away the light at the end was. It seemed like we had been walking for a while, and yet we didn't seem any closer to reaching the other side. It was so dark that I couldn't see the ground beneath my feet. (It really put the phrase "walk by faith, not by sight!" into practice for me) 

The only light I could see as I walked was the light straight ahead of me, at the end of the tunnel. It was dark, and the tunnel seemed so long. 

Isn't life like that sometimes? 

Sometimes life is hard, really hard. Sometimes it's so dark that you can't see two steps in front of you, let alone what's just up ahead. While I was walking through the tunnel in the dark, listening to the drip drop of water, feeling the cold droplets on my skin, the verse that popped into my head was from Psalm 23. 

Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." 

I was reminded as I walked through the darkness of the tunnel that God is with me even in the darkest days. Even when I can't see where I'm walking, can't see the ground I'm stepping on to, God is there. He hasn't let go. 

As I walked through the tunnel towards the light at the other end, I found myself encouraged. 

In the darkest days, and in the pain-filled hours, God is there. Not only is He walking with you through the darkness, but He has placed light at the end of the tunnel to guide you. The light at the end gives you hope. 

Hope. 

That's what I saw each time I looked at the light at the end of the tunnel. 

I saw hope. 

Hope that the darkness would end. 
Hope that I would see the light of day again. 
Hope that the sun would be shining on my face in just a little bit. 

Again, isn't life like that? Yes, we have dark days, and there is pain. Oh so much pain. Sometimes it seems like we are in the middle of a dark, never-ending tunnel. 

But I promise you, there is a light at the end. 

There is hope. 

Hope in Christ alone. 

He is the Light at the end of the tunnel. 

Walk towards Christ, for in Him is true Light. 
Walk through the darkness, knowing that God is with you, even in the "darkest valley." 
There is light at the end of the tunnel. 

Be All There

I've known this quote for a while, but this summer it means so much more to me. A few months ago I wrote it out and put it up on my wall, but then I kind of forgot about it for a little while... A few days ago I was reminded of it again. 

Picture from google images 

"Wherever you are, be all there."

I'm at a place in life where I didn't think I'd be. The past year has changed a lot of things in my life, there've been a lot of sorrows and a lot of joys. If you had asked me a year ago where I'd be now/what I'd be doing, my answer probably wouldn't have been where God has me now.

This summer has been crazy, busy, tiring, emotional, and sometimes overwhelming. (But I have to add, it's also been fun, stretching, joyful, and exciting!) It's been easy at times to wish the summer away, wanting autumn to come and things to slow down. It's been easy to think that my life hasn't really started yet, that things will "fall into place" or really  "start" when I reach the next milestone, or when the next big thing comes along. It's been so easy to fall into the habit of wishing for the next stage in my life to come.

"Wherever you are, be all there."

The reason I love this quote, the reason why it resonates with me so much, is that it reminds me to slow down, to BE where God has placed me.

Because if I'm wishing for the next season in my life, if I'm just waiting for the next big thing, then I'm not living in and enjoying the gift of the season God has placed me in RIGHT NOW. I don't want to miss the things that God has in store for this season of my life, the things He wants me to learn and the ways He wants me to grow, just because I'm anxious for the next season.

I want to BE ALL THERE in the place that God has placed me. I want to be focused on Him, and on doing what He wants me to do, wherever He has me at the time being.

Matthew 6:34 says "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I think that this command, given by Jesus, also applies to this. We are commanded to not worry about tomorrow. If we are not worrying about tomorrow, then that means we are focused on the today, on where God has us now. We can't accomplish anything for His kingdom if we are constantly worrying about the future. {Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't plan, or be excited about the future, etc., but I think sometimes we can get too caught up in what is coming, instead of enjoying the present, enjoying the gift of today. Also, I am in no way saying that we shouldn't be looking ahead to Jesus' return, because that is one thing that we definitely SHOULD be looking ahead to with excitement and anticipation. (: }

I've noticed that I don't enjoy each day as much if I am constantly thinking about and worrying about the future, or what the next season will bring. However, if I stop wishing away today, I start noticing the blessings that God has placed in each day.

Elisabeth Elliot wrote, "The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances." 

If my attitude about today, about the season God has me in right NOW, isn't a good, God-honoring one, then what makes me think that it would be any better in a future season? The secret is Christ, not my circumstances. 

I choose to be all in, all there, today, in this season, right where God has placed me. Because He is good, He is faithful, and I trust in His Sovereignty and His plan. I want to live life for the Lord, live life to the fullest, and live a life enjoying the gift of each day. 

If I am not seeking God today, not making the most of today, not choosing joy TODAY, then I am wasting a gift that God has given me: the gift of today. 

"Wherever you are, be all there." 

Genealogy of Grace

Picture from google images. 

I've never given much thought to the genealogies in the Bible. I usually just skim over those verses when I come to them in Bible reading, to be honest.

Yesterday I started reading the devotional "Moments with the Savior" by Ken Gire, and go figure, the very first chapter is based on a genealogy! It focused on the genealogy of Jesus found in Matthew 1:1-16. This time I read it, instead of just skimming over it quickly like usual.

I LOVE the points/observations that Ken Gire makes in the devotional about this genealogy, things that I had never thought about before.

Jesus' genealogy--His family tree-- is filled with broken, imperfect people.

"The Savior would come from a royal line. That much everyone knew. The line would originate with Abraham and branch through David. Yet despite how sturdy its trunk and how spreading its limbs, the Savior's family tree had its share of blight and barrenness, of bent twigs and broken branches," (Gire, "Moments with the Savior" p. 19).

In Jesus' genealogy was Jacob, who stole his brother's birthright and tricked his own father.

In Jesus' genealogy was David, a murderer and an adulterer.

In Jesus' genealogy was Rahab, a prostitute.

The list goes on and on.

Some people might be confused or even angered by this... the lineage of the Savior filled with so much brokenness, so many mistakes. When I read this now, though, I see hope and I see grace.

Gire writes, "What are we to make of all the sin, all the imperfection, all the failure? Simply this. That God's purposes are not thwarted by our humanity, however weak and wayward it may be. That he works in us and through us and, more often than not, in spite of us. That he works with us, as a gardener works with his garden. Lifting. Pruning. Watering. Weeding. Whatever it takes to bring it to fruition. Or however long it takes. This is our hope," (Gire, "Moments with the Savior" p. 20).

I see hope when I read the genealogy of Christ in Matthew 1. And I see grace! God's purposes cannot be thwarted! He uses our weaknesses, our mistakes, for something good. When we surrender to Him and His will, He weaves it all, our past failures, our brokenness, into a beautiful tapestry--one that only HE could create. So take heart! God is the Gardener, and He's not done with you yet, no matter where you are in life. The lineage of Christ is a testament to that--to God's grace and to His ability work through the generations, no matter the failures, mistakes, or history.

Get Rid of Bitterness

Last week I was in a meeting at church, which started off with a devotional led by one of the pastors. I was excited for the meeting, and looking forward to the devotional. The pastor started off his short but meaningful devotional by reading Ephesians 4:31-32:  

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." 

Um, ouch... 

This was literally what I needed to hear, and it was SO applicable to my life that I actually started smiling when the pastor read it because I knew God was using it to speak directly to me in that moment... It was one of those, "Okay, I get it, God. You made your point," moments. It wasn't what I wanted to be reminded of, but I know it was necessary. Up to that point, I had been ignoring God's little reminders and nudges that I needed to let go and forgive...which was pretty easy to do because it was always between me and myself (conversations in my own head), if that makes sense. I could talk myself out of forgiving pretty easily. However, hearing that verse from Ephesians spoken out loud by someone else brought me to my senses, so to say. 

Get RID of all bitterness, rage, and anger. The Scripture is pretty clear... It doesn't leave any room for misunderstanding, as hard as we might try to make it appear less strict. Get RID of bitterness and anger. That is an imperative... a command! We are to get RID of bitterness and anger. 

These verses aren't saying to TRY to get rid of it, and they aren't saying to get rid of them halfway. It also isn't saying to squash those feelings down or ignore them. We are supposed to get rid of anger and bitterness completely! God doesn't want us to hold on to them, which to be honest is so easy to do. 

Up to that moment, I'll be completely honest, I had been holding on to anger, and even some bitterness. I kept telling myself that I was letting go and forgiving, but deep inside, I think I knew that I wasn't truly doing so. While I was letting go on the surface, I was hanging on tightly to the anger and the bitterness deep inside. I felt entitled to it, like I had a RIGHT to be angry. It was easy to rationalize it, thinking that I could allow myself to be angry just a little bit without it affecting my heart. 

WRONG. 

Oh so wrong. 

God tells us to get rid of anger and bitterness for a reason. They eat away at you, little by little, until they consume you. They lead to hatred. 

Oh, be careful little heart what you let in. 

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23

In my mind, I had always connected guarding your heart with purity (as in, relationships, and the like), but I'm realizing how much more there is to guarding your heart! Guarding your heart doesn't just have to do with relationships, it also has to do with what YOU allow into your heart. As Christ followers, we are called to guard our hearts from things that are impure, things that are idolatrous, and things that are dangerous. 

Things like anger. 
Things like bitterness. 

When we are told to get rid of anger and bitterness, it's a matter of the heart. If we allow those things into our minds, into our lives, and into our hearts, we are putting ourselves in danger, and we are welcoming something that could potentially destroy us! 

Instead of bitterness and anger, we are called to forgiveness. And what a wonderful example we have in Christ! In my mind, He had every reason to be angry or bitter about the situations He faced and the rejections/hurts/insults/unfair treatment He received. Instead, He chose forgiveness. 

Last week in that meeting, I finally let go. I chose forgiveness over anger and bitterness. And honestly, it's been hard at times to not take the anger/bitterness back into my own hands, but I know that I'm so much better off choosing forgiveness and leaving the rest in God's able hands. 

Anger and bitterness will imprison you, consume you, and ultimately destroy you. 

So guard your heart. ("I keep a close watch on this heart of mine...")

Choose forgiveness, and be set free. 

Trust Without Borders

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders." 

That line is from a song, Oceans, by Hillsong United. It's one of my favorite lines, and at the beginning of 2014 I decided that it would be one of my goals/prayers for this year. (By the way, if you haven't heard it before, stop reading this and go listen to it!! I'll even give you the link to it on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QR2KGmL50k  The song is beautiful, the lyrics are wonderful and convicting and encouraging, and it's one of my favorite songs. Then come back and finish reading this. :) Seriously though, listen to it!) 

I had no idea that praying that would bring me to where I am now. When you ask God to stretch you and bring you outside of your comfort zone, which in essence is what that lyric is saying, He is going to answer that prayer! 

If you were to ask me what one of the biggest things God has been teaching me (and is still teaching me) over the past two years, my answer would be this: Trust.  

Trust is a big one. It's hard, and I don't think it comes very naturally. I know it doesn't come easily to me, at least. 

I honestly didn't really think much about the changes in my life that might happen once I started praying this prayer. I knew that I needed my trust to keep growing, and I still do... There will always be room for growth. I just knew that I wanted to start trusting more, and then I heard that line from Oceans and it really registered with me. 

So I made that line a goal for 2014, as well as a prayer. It's probably a good thing that I didn't know all the changes that would be coming, all the ups and downs, all the scary moments, and all the exciting times, otherwise maybe I wouldn't have been brave enough to start praying that. Because I'll be honest, I'm not a brave person. I fear, I worry, and I stress. I like things neat and orderly, but life definitely is not like that! Thankfully we serve a God who is greater than any circumstance, and Who is always in control. 

Since beginning to pray that prayer, asking the Holy Spirit to take me where my trust wouldn't have borders, He has done just that! I can truthfully say that at the beginning of the New Year I wouldn't have pictured myself where I'm at now. 

Trust Without Borders. I just love that phrase! It really resonates with me. I do trust God, but I think so often I trust Him in a small, minimal way. My trust has limitations, and it has an end. God is slowly and patiently teaching me to let go, and to let HIM lead me into a trust that has no borders. 

It's terrifying. It's exciting. It's confusing. It's rewarding. And I wouldn't want it any other way. 

Praying that prayer, and making it into a goal for myself, has changed my life. It's led me to say yes to a few things that terrified me (but that were definitely good for me!). Looking back, I can see now that it contributed to a huge decision/change in my life that I made (taking me to very new territory and a new season in my life). It's helping me to become less fearful and more courageous as the Spirit leads me to new things. 

I still have a hard time trusting, but I know that my God is trustworthy and He is GOOD. Because of that, I know that I can trust Him to lead me down a path that is for my good, not harm. (Read Psalm 23 if you ever doubt that God is leading you and taking care of you). I know that I still choose not to trust on a daily basis. It's a hard habit to break, it really is. However, I'm striving to keep learning and to keep choosing to walk in trust as I go through each day. 

Trust is a choice, and it is one that must be made day by day, moment by moment. I want to keep growing in my trust in the Lord, so that I say yes to whatever and wherever He leads.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders." That is my prayer! 

My question for you is this: Will you pray it as well?