Graduation into the Unknown

Today I picked up my cap and gown for graduation from my community college in two weeks.

This just got real.

Truthfully, until today, I've been almost dreading graduation. It means an end to a season in my life, and it's a big change. It's also hard because I'll be graduating without a plan.

I am by nature a planner. I plan, and I plan, and I plan.

So it honestly terrifies me that I don't know what is coming next. It frustrates me that I don't have a plan, and that I can't seem to make one no matter how hard I try (emphasis on I).

All of these reasons brought together made me dread the graduation looming ahead of me.

Until today.

After I picked up my cap and gown, I was thinking about the past three years I've spent at this school. There have been so many ups and downs, so many changes in my life, so many times that I've seen God at work, so many ways that I've seen myself grow, and so many answers to prayer.

The past few months have been rough. A lot has changed in my life, and to be honest, if you had asked me a year or two ago where I would've seen myself now, where I'm at now probably wouldn't have been my answer.

God's ways are not our ways, that's for sure!

As I was thinking, though, I was reminded how faithful God has been. While maybe this wasn't how I thought my life would be going, and maybe this isn't how I had planned it,  as I look back over the past year or two, and especially as I look back over the past few months, I can see God at work, His hand guiding me to where I'm at now.

I know that He is in control. He has a plan, and it is a good one.

So while I'm still scared about whatever life holds for me after graduation, while I still don't have a plan, I know that my God does.

He knows what is coming next.

He has a plan.

And He's led me this far, teaching me and showing me that He is good and He is trustworthy. Why should I start doubting Him now?

Yes, I'm still scared. But I'm also getting excited. I'm excited to see what He has in store, excited to see where He guides me, and excited to see how He continues to work!

One of my (latest) song obsessions is a song by Anthem Lights called "The Unknown." It's been especially applicable to my life as I near graduation. My favorite part of the song says this:

"Don't you know that your right at home in the unknown
I'm already there, I'm already there
Don't you know that you're not alone in the unknown 
I'm already there, I'm already there

So you don't need to know 
What tomorrow holds 
When you know 
The one who holds tomorrow"

As I near graduation from community college into the unknown, I'm confident that my God is in control, that He has a plan, and that my future is in His able and loving hands. So why fear? 

Live Like You Were Dying

I'm re-reading a series by Karen Kingsbury right now. One character in this series is diagnosed, very suddenly, with an aggressive form of brain cancer. She literally only has a few months to live, and those months are filled with pain, sickness, and the continuing decline of her body. However, as the end draws near for her time on this earth, she is filled with peace and excitement as she looks forward to seeing Jesus. This part of this fictional series is hard to read, to be honest. As I was reading it this time, though, something different stuck out to me. As this woman was in her final days here, she was at peace. She had loved the Lord, and she had loved other people, through her last moments. She didn't have many regrets; she had lived fully during the days she was given. 

I was convicted by this, because I feel like so often I go through life as if I have all the time in the world... When in reality, I don't. I only have however much time God has granted me, and since I don't know how many days and years that is, I want to strive to live each day to the fullest. I want to make the most of each day and each opportunity that God gives me. Two verses in Psalms come to mind:

Psalm 39:4-5 “Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure." 

This life is a vapor, just a quick sojourn in the long journey of eternity.  I want my life to count, to not be wasted. I want what I do with my time here to echo in eternity, because I lived for The Lord instead of for myself. I want to make the most of each gift, each day, that I receive from the Father, knowing that it is just that: a gift. I want to live fully in the gift of TODAY, rejoicing and giving thanks in it. I want to live and love today, because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. 

As I was thinking about this, a song by Tim McGraw came to mind. It's called "Live Like You Were Dyin'."  It's a song about a man who receives a terminal diagnosis from his doctor, and in the face of that, someone asks him what he did. His reply? 

"He said I was finally the husband, 

That most the time I wasn't.

And I became a friend a friend would like to have.

And all the sudden goin' fishing, 

Wasn't such an imposition.

And I went three times that year I lost my dad.

Well I finally read the good book,

And I took a good long hard look at what I'd do

If I could do it all again.

I went sky divin', 

I went rocky mountain climbin', 

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.

And I loved deeper, 

And I spoke sweeter, 

And I gave forgiveness I've been denying, 

And he said someday I hope you get the chance,

To live like you were dyin'.   -Tim McGraw

The question that has been on my mind: What would our lives (my life) look like if we lived each day as if it was our last? If we stopped taking each day for granted, recognizing that it is a gift and could be our last? 

What if you lived each day as if you were dying? 

Would you tell the people in your life that you love them? 

Would you forgive the ones who've hurt you? 

Would you let go of bitterness you've been hanging on to?  

Would you stop letting unimportant things clutter your time? 

Would you live joyously, gratefully? 

Would you share the love and message of Christ unashamedly? 

God Will Provide

I just finished the book Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper. It was a thought-provoking book, giving me a lot to contemplate and pray about. One part of the book that caught my attention was Piper’s discussion of our material needs as Christians, and whether or not God really supplies all our needs.

Piper says that as Christ followers we are called to take risks. He even says that our “obedience is risk.” (Pg. 92) He lists some of the risks we might face as Christ followers (pg. 92-93):

“tribulation” Acts 14:22

“distress” 2 Corinthians 6:4, 12;10

“persecution” Matthew 5:11-12

“danger” 2 Corinthians 11:26

“sword” Acts 12:2

“famine and nakedness”

Piper then goes on to discuss the last risk, of famine and nakedness, claiming that they are the greatest problem. It’s the biggest problem because it boils down to the question: Will God really provide for all my needs?

Jesus says in Matthew 6:25, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?”  Then just a few verses later in Matthew 6:31-33, Jesus says “Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

These verses make it clear that we do not need to worry about our material needs; God will provide. However, this seems contradictory when compared to the list above of risks that Christ followers might face. Piper poses the question: “Well, which is it? Are Christians subject to ‘famine and nakedness’ or will God provide ‘all these things’ when we need them?” (Pg. 93) Thinking about the believers in the New Testament, we see that many of them were beaten, stripped, and starving. Was God not able to provide for them, or was He choosing not to?

This made me stop and think for a little bit, because it does seem like a huge contradiction. However, Piper’s next section helped to bring clarity. He explains that the statement “all these things” in Matthew 6 means, “that you will have everything you need to do his will and be eternally and supremely happy in him,” (Pg. 94).

Everything you need to do HIS will. Everything you need to be happy IN HIM.

Boom! Understanding finally dawned on me, as I began to grasp this passage in a new way. What I consider “necessary” might not really be a true need for me. God will provide what I need to be able to do His will. Piper writes, “How much food or clothing are necessary? Necessary for what? we must ask. Necessary to be comfortable? No, Jesus did not promise comfort. Necessary to avoid shame? No, Jesus called us to bear shame for his name with joy. Necessary to stay alive? No, he did not promise to spare us death—of any kind…. God does not promise enough food for comfort or life—he promises enough so that you can trust him and do his will.” (Pg. 94)

Maybe this is something that God taught you a long time ago, but to me, right now, this is something new that God is teaching me. It's so convicting, and yet so exciting! It’s convicting to me because it’s a call to focus on HIM and not on the material things that are oh so tempting and eye-catching in this life. It’s convicting to me because it’s a good reminder to not worry and stress about the material things. But, it’s also exciting to me! It’s exciting because I think that if you can begin to grasp this, it will free you. Free you from worrying about the material things, free you from worrying and wondering if God will or will not provide. It’s exciting because it reminds me that God does provide, maybe not in the fashion or capacity that we might think we need, but He is our Provider. 

It brought to mind the song "Enough" by Chris Tomlin, which says:

“All of You is more than enough for all of me

For every thirst and every need

You satisfy me with Your love

And all I have in You is more than enough.”

Our God is sovereign and He is all-knowing, so He will provide what we really need to do His will, and to find true happiness in the only place it can be found: in Him.

Smiling at the Memory

Have you ever found yourself thinking about something, such as a funny or sweet memory, and then realize that without consciously thinking about it, you're smiling? It's like you're in your own little world for a minute, just you and the memory (and in a way, whoever else shares that memory with you). And as you think about that memory, you can't help but smile. It's almost like you have a special secret for a moment as you smile, remembering and reflecting on a previous time.

This happened to me recently, but in a way that was new to me.

I was driving, and a song came on the radio. For those of you who know me well, you know that I tend to connect to songs a lot. (And I also become obsessed with songs fairly often...) A lot of memories for me are connected to a song, so it isn't unusual for me to hear a song and immediately recollect a memory or feel nostalgic.

This time it was a little different, though. Because this time the memory that popped into my head wasn't one that I shared with anyone else. It was just between me and God.

It was a memory of a recent moment when I had really sensed His peace and His love as I chose to trust Him instead of fear.

And when the song came on the radio, the same song that I had been listening to in the moment I mentioned above, I found myself smiling.

When I realized that I was smiling, I was surprised for a minute... This was something new. Like I said earlier, I've had those moments when I've caught myself smiling at a memory with other people, but it caught me off guard to realize that I was smiling as I remembered a moment that God and I had shared. It felt intimate, personal. There was this fleeting thought that ran through my mind, "Is this okay?" I didn't want to be irreverent in the way I was thinking.

Then it hit me. Of course it is okay! God is not only my Father and my Savior, He is my Friend. 

God desires us to walk with Him through each day, leaning on Him, talking with Him, and trusting Him. He wants a relationship with us. Our Father and King wants to know us deeply and intimately. A relationship (friendship) with another person means that you will do a lot of talking and listening, and I think that sometimes some of that talking will be about the memories the two of you share. I think that the same can be said of our relationship with God. We should talk with Him and listen to Him (prayer), and I think that it is okay (actually, better than okay. I think it is great!) to remember and reflect on the ways You've seen Him at work, and the times that You've felt His peace or His strength.

Psalm 25:14 says that "The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear Him." FRIENDSHIP! I love that. I can relate to that. The Lord is my Friend.

Friends share memories, share smiles, and share the joys and the sorrows. If we are to have friendship with the Lord, then I think we are going to have memories that we share with Him alone, that just the two of us know about. Memories of the way He has touched our hearts, or given us courage, or filled us with His joy or peace.

And I hope that the next time you are remembering one of those times, you catch yourself smiling at the memory with your Friend. :)

The Untouchable

I recently started reading through the book of Matthew, looking especially at Jesus, who He was, His words and His actions, and how He interacted with people. This morning as I was reading, I came across Matthew 8:1-3, which says:

"When Jesus came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him. ² A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”
³ Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy." (NIV)

I can honestly say that I've probably read those verses many, many times before, never really giving them a second glance. You know, thinking "that's awesome! Jesus healed him!" and then moving on to the next passage. Today, though, they caught my attention in a new way. I realized that these verses show just how much Jesus loved people.

The man was a leper, meaning that he had a very disfiguring disease, that he could not live near anyone else (he would've had to leave behind his family and friends), and that he was an outcast in the society. People would not give him a second look. Then along comes Jesus.

When most other people would've walked right by this man, not giving him a second glance, Jesus stopped and talked to him. And even more than that... Jesus touched this man. He touched a man who had leprosy. This was a huge no-no in the culture, and it went very much against the grain. But Jesus was not only willing to heal the man from his disease, which he could have done by just speaking a command, but he was willing to reach out his own hand and touch him. This man, who was considered unclean and untouchable and unlovable by the world, was touched by the hand of Jesus.

Jesus was willing and able to heal the man from his disease, but I think that He also went above and beyond to show this man the love of God. Think about this: this man, because of his disease, had probably not felt the touch of another person in a very, very long time. As a person who enjoys physical contact, such as hugging a friend or family member, I can't imagine not being able to do that. This man couldn't, and no one would venture to do so even if he was allowed to be near others. He was literally starving for the touch of another human being. Not only did Jesus heal him from his outward disease, but I think that by touching him, one human being to another, Christ showed this man genuine love, helping to heal his inner hurts as well.

As I continue to think about these short few verses, I am so amazed at and challenged by the love of Christ. His love is so much greater than any human obstacles or limitations we put on it. His love is deep, and His love is strong. He sees the invisible, and He loves the unlovable and the untouchable. His love is genuine. No matter how dirty or "untouchable" you may feel, Jesus's love is stronger and He is reaching out His hand to you and I.

Soak in His love today, and then turn around and love the people around you the way Jesus would. Love the unlovable and the untouchable, seeing them the way Jesus does, and showing them the genuine love of God. If Jesus was willing to reach out His hand to the untouchable, shouldn't we be willing as well?

"Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see."
-Brandon Heath, "Give Me Your Eyes"

And Yet, They Sing

**Written in May 2011 and published as a Facebook note. I recently remembered it and decided to post it here as well.**

Recently, my dog slept in my room with me. She woke up early, sometime around 5 AM, and wanted me to take her outside. I got up and brought her downstairs, and let her out. It was still pitch dark out, but when I opened the door to let her out, I heard birds singing. For some reason this really struck me. It was completely dark outside. Yet, they sang. They sang, because they knew the light was coming. Morning was just around the corner. They couldn't see it just yet, but they were prepared, they were ready, they were anticipating the dawning of a new day with a hopeful cheeriness.

I started thinking about it for a while, and I realized that we, who believe and trust in Christ as our Savior, we have something to anticipate with a hopeful cheeriness as well. Christ is coming back! The birds await the dawn of a new day, they sing before they even see a hint of it coming. We KNOW that Christ will return, and we should live our lives as if He we return at any given moment! (which He could!) I should strive to make my life a living testimony of the hope that I have, to live my life anticipating my Savior's return. To me, if I was a bird, I think I'd be discouraged by the darkness. How would I know that the dawn was coming? But the birds know. They sing in the darkness, through the darkness. They have hope, and they eagerly, joyfully, await the sunrise. For some reason, this simple, small thing reminded me that I have an eternal Hope. Even in the dark times, I know that the Light is coming. I can live my life with a joy, eagerly awaiting the return of my Savior.

"I am the Light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the Light of life." -John 8:12 

Our Anchor

Sometimes in life it can feel like we are buoys in the ocean, tossed to and fro by the waves that come our way. 

But God is teaching me that it doesn't have to be like that. We don't HAVE to be moved by each wave, by every trial. 

In Hebrews 6:19, we are told that "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." (NIV) When I think about an anchor, I think of something that is solid, something that is trustworthy. It is secure, and it is reliable. 

That is what we have in Christ. Because of Him, and because of His sacrifice, we have hope. Hope that is an anchor for us. Christ is our anchor in life. He is solid, He is trustworthy, He is secure, and He is reliable. 

When a ship in the ocean isn't tied to an anchor, it can move in any direction. It is free to be bounced around by the waves that come its way. However, when a ship is tied to an anchor, it has something holding it in place. Waves will still come its way, but it won't be sent adrift. It will still be bounced a little by the waves, but the ship isn't going anywhere. It has the anchor giving it a firm foundation. 

That is what Christ is to us. He is our anchor. 

Waves and storms will still come, Christ did not promise an easy life if we follow Him. Instead, He guarantees problems (John 16:33), but He also promises to be with us, always (Matthew 28:20). It is how we respond when the problems come that is important. We can choose to let each and every feeling and circumstance move us, we can grumble, and we can be demanding of God. OR we can choose to cling to our anchor, to be thankful, and to remember that God is greater than any circumstance. No matter what trial you're facing, God is with you. He has a plan and a purpose through it all, even if you can't see it yet. He will grow you through the trials, but only if you let Him. 

God has been teaching me this lesson a lot lately, and I know that it is one that I will continue to learn as I go through life. My prayer is that I'll let Him teach me and stretch me through whatever life brings my way, and that through it ALL, I'll cling to Christ, my Anchor. 

Choose to fix your eyes on Christ, your Anchor, rather than on your circumstances. 

Choose to be controlled by the Spirit, rather than by your feelings. 

Choose to be defined by who you are in Christ, rather than by your struggles. 

Choose to hold on to the Anchor through life, through each stormy season. He will not let you down.